HOPE it comes and it goes....

Mostly goes. I had hope for a few weeks of opening our own office again and working together, building a nice patient base, having fun working it and such but about as quickly as the hope came it went away again. The deal fell through and so did my hope. It was exciting thinking about it for a couple of months and thinking about ways to build the business and market it. Wasn't meant to be. This whole thing brought up all the old feelings of failure, questions as to why things are this way and such. If the whole plan was to open our own place in NC the 7 years we were in college why this? Why if we wanted to work together do we each go our own ways daily? Why if we weren't suppose to work together did I learn about office things, web things, marketing things? I just don't get it and it frustrates me.

Now hope is not my word for 2012, JOY is and I'm still trying to get it back. 1/2 way through the year now and it's really not there. I continue to struggle with being where I am and I feel pretty lonely most of the time. So just exactly what, who or where will bring my joy back I don't know. ...thoughts of umbrella drinks on a beach come to mind...but really I don't think that would bring it back.

I changed jobs, traded my part time in for a full time one so things are looking up financially. Now to get a budget and stick to it! Debt is not my friend, it wears on me. Currently we are homeless while we wait for the rental house we want to rent to be vacant so we are living with a couple we met this past year, they have taken us in and treated us like family. Going to the storage unit to get stuff is depressing and we didn't know we'd be in storage this long but nobody wants to rent to us for 2 months. Not even apartment complexes. Thank you Lord for friends. We try to give them a break on weekends by going north or south to friends/family houses to visit and catch up on laundry. LOL - homeless = road trips to wash clothes!

Facing the big 5-0 in a couple of months puts things into perspective.... I'm too old for some of the crap I am having to deal with! FML

As for the gizmo, I haven't seen a doctor since 2010. It seems to work as I do get stuck if I don't chew chew chew. Liquid calories are not my friend. And I still haven't got myself together and back on track with diet and exercise. Would this bring my joy back?

off to find my self discipline.......